The Summer of the Maestro’s Discontent

Image Courtesy Baseball Hall of Fame
Wow. It wasn’t enough that the Orlando Magic teased me like Megan Fox in all of her release party “Transformers” pics, but now the hammer has officially fallen on this humble blogger’s head. My second favorite Cub has been busted...Sammy Sosa used PEDs, according to the New York Times. Thank the heavens & Harry Carey that I never renounced my ultimate devotion to Ryno...hey, put the needle down, Sandberg!!!

Anywho, I’m not naïve (except when it comes to the universally-shared middle-age male fallacy that I could still be attractive to 98% of women...Megan Fox included...with just a sly turn of phase and a manly toss of my thinning hair) but I still wanted to hold out hope that the “I don’t speak English” crap from the Congressional hearings a few years back was the act of a stupid man, not a cheating man (hey, there’s a country song in there somewhere)...

So now Sosa joins McGwire, Palmeiro, Tejada, Giambi, A-Rod, and all the rest of the charlatans of baseball who duped us for over a decade. I could go into how New York Yankee rogues seem to get a lighter guilt trip from the media than those from the Midwest (“Pretty Boy” Alex vs. Big “I’m Not Here To Talk About The Past” Mac in a handicap match!), but what’s the point? They’re all basically liars and scum. Unfortunately, I’m convinced that a few will find a way into the Hall of Fame (here’s betting that Barry Bonds and Alex Rodriguez somehow get a bust after being busted). Not Slammin’ Sammy, though. His homer hop & impish grin will fade into obscurity like mood rings & Vanilla Ice.

This I swear - if Jay Cutler breaks his leg in training camp, I’m switching from sports to macramé...or macaroni...or Macarena...