The Maestro’s 2009 NFL Picks & Predictions

Well, I’m typing out this blog post at 8:55 PM on Thursday, September 10, 2009 - the Steelers & Titans have each had the ball twice, and the NFL season is officially game on!!! What better time than now for all of you denizens of the blogosphere to feast on The Maestro’s full-season prognostications?!?!

2009 AFC Division Winners: Titans, Chargers, Patriots, Steelers
2009 AFC Wild Card Teams: Colts, Ravens

No big shockers here. There just doesn’t seem to be any positive buzz surrounding the rest of the squads in the AFC. With Tom Brady & Shawne Merriman healthy, the Patriots and Chargers should meet in the AFC Championship, and despite Norv Turner’s worst intentions, Philip Rivers & LT will get San Diego to the Super Bowl…

Other AFC Notes: Peyton Manning will struggle a bit with a weak offensive line - he may even get hurt and (gasp) miss a game or two. Miami will fall back to the pack this year, and the ‘Wildcat’ formation will prove to be a quickly fading fad (fingers crossed). Following in the footsteps of Romeo Crennel, Charlie Weis, and Eric Mangini, Scott Pioli in Kansas City & Josh McDaniels in Denver will once again prove that the fruit falls very, very far from the Bill Belichick tree.

2009 NFC Division Winners: Eagles, Saints, Packers, Seahawks
2009 NFC Wild Card Teams: Falcons, Vikings

The power has clearly shifted to the NFC. With Jay Cutler, Albert Haynesworth, Tony Gonzalez, T.J. Houshmandzadeh, and Brett Favre jumping ship, the AFC looks a bit thin – no offense, Kyle Orton. Some really good teams (Giants, Cardinals, Bears) will be on the outside looking in. Look for the Eagles and Packers in the NFC Championship; “The Redemption Bowl” will feature Aaron Rodgers & Green Bay triumphing over Michael Vick & Philly.

Other NFC Notes: Favre will be a monumental headache for Minnesota; they’ll get into the playoffs as a Wild Card only because of Adrian Peterson & a solid defensive unit. Dallas will need a major overhaul (See ya, Wade Phillips! Bye, Roy Williams! You’re on notice, Tony Romo!) after a mediocre season. The NFC West will still be unbelievably weak when compared to the other three divisions. Tampa Bay will edge Detroit and St. Louis for worst record in the conference.

Super Bowl: Chargers over Packers
MVP: Philip Rivers edges Aaron Rodgers and Adrian Peterson

As always, comments and criticisms are welcome - remember to watch our weekly picks throughout the season on YouTube, kids!!!

The Maestro’s Late Summer Rants

Yes, I know I’ve been away for too long, people…time to get back in blogging shape!!! Here are the sports stories from the last few weeks that have The Maestro fuming…

Rick Pitino, The Arrogant One: Dude, stop talking about the salad bar tryst you had with the woman you paid off to get an abortion. Stop saying everything is a lie except what comes from you. Maybe I’m a cynic, but the ‘concrete’ statement she made to the police rings true. Notice the resemblance between ‘Don’ Pitino and Al Pacino circa “The Godfather, Part II”??? Me too…

Brett Favre, The Excuse Maker: The yearly retirement waffling is bad enough, Wrangler Man. Now you’ve got to give us a list of physical ailments that you can use as built-in excuses for poor performance once the regular season begins? Cracked ribs, torn rotator cuff, creaky elbow, small balls…whatever. Get over it and play. Urlacher & Briggs are waitin’ for ya, bud…

Michael Vick, The Persecuted Man: Okay, I agree with the basic tenet that every person makes mistakes and deserves a second chance. I’ll even give Mike a pass on the Grey Goose incident (although I concur with Tony Dungy - you can’t do that). However, let’s not play the race card on this one, people. The NAACP has no place staging rallies for Vick outside of Eagles games just because PETA may be there to protest as well. This debacle is yet another example of how the NAACP (along with the ACLU and most labor unions) always goes too far in ‘protecting their own’…

Donovan McNabb, He Who Wants To Have His Cake & Eat It Too: Speaking of Vick, you’ve gotta love the ‘throat slash’ McNabb used on his o-coordinator to essentially end Mike’s first preseason appearance with Philly. News flash, Donovan - you can’t lobby for your team to pick up a guy (another QB, no less) and then decide six plays into his first game that ‘there’s no rhythm’. That excuse may work with Vanilla Ice, but not here…

Milton Bradley, The OTHER Persecuted Man: No, Milton - Cubs fans aren’t booing because you’re black. They’re giving you the catcall treatment because you’re petulant, you’ve underperformed, and you’re just a nasty person. When Tim McCarver (among others) says the Cubs should eat the $20 mil left on your deal & cut you after the season, maybe the man in the mirror is the one you should be chastising…

Mark Martin, The Gambler: You’re not old enough to use senility as an excuse, bud. When you have a chance to lock down a Chase spot (as you did at Michigan a few weeks back), play it safe! If your crew chief wants to gamble on fuel, tell him to kiss your wrinkled ass and pull into the pits for a top-off!!!

Lou Holtz & Beano Cook, The Two Stooges: Notre Dame in the BCS Championship? Really? We all know Holtz is a blatant homer, but enough is enough. Great coach, terrible analyst. And Beano? How the hell is he still allowed in front of a television camera? His turkey waddle scares my kid, and his ‘Ron Powlus will win multiple Heisman Trophies’ prediction scarred me for life…

Well, now I feel better. Hey, be sure to check out “Sports Frenzy 2.0” on YouTube for the latest vitriol from the rest of the crew. After all, The Maestro simply conducts…The Conquistador, The Elder Statesman, Huggy Bear, The Cleveland Kid, and Mr. 300 are the REALLY angry ones!!!

The Maestro’s Fantasy Football Preview 2009

Down through the years, through cable access television & YouTube & now blogs, the other members of the extended “Sports Frenzy” family have been merciless in their ridicule of The Maestro and his proclivity to play fantasy sports. However, those of you out there who partake of the bittersweet nectar that is fantasy football (or baseball or NASCAR or shuffleboard) know that it’s a beguiling elixir that can elicit endless joy or bring about profound depression. Just remember to indulge in moderation, kids...

So, without further ado (and without any more melodramatic metaphors), let’s look at some 2009 sleepers and overrated duds in each major NFL category, shall we?

Quarterbacks: Sleepers - Matt Schaub, Texans (Gary Kubiak’s in a make-or-break year as head coach & there’s nobody even close to Schaub on the depth chart); Sage Rosenfels, Vikings (looking more and more like the starter, has All-Day as his RB and some good young receivers)
Duds - Marc Bulger, Rams (a one-year wonder a few years removed, has nobody to throw to); Matt Cassel (no Tony Gonzalez, hasn’t proven himself worthy of huge contract yet)

Running Backs: Sleepers - Ryan Grant, Packers (why is his short holdout LAST season affecting his value THIS season?); Brandon Jacobs, Giants (Derrick Ward isn’t around to steal his touches this year); Ray Rice, Ravens (will rack up yardage as he puts McGahee on the bench, but McClain may swipe some TDs)
Duds - Anybody stuck in a ‘running back by committee’ situation (Carolina, Oakland, Tampa Bay, Tennessee, Indianapolis)

Wide Receivers: Sleepers - Marques Colston, Saints (he’ll come back with a vengeance this season, mark my words); Anthony Gonzalez, Colts (takes over for Marvin Harrison as one of Peyton Manning’s ‘Three Amigos’ with Wayne & Clark); Nate Washington, Titans (might be the weapon Kerry Collins needs); Domenik Hixon, Giants (Eli has to find his new Plaxico)
Duds - Denver receivers (that means you, Brandon Marshall & Eddie Royal); Roy Williams (another brilliant Jerry Jones acquisition…note sarcasm); Calvin Johnson (yes, he may be the best of all the Lions first-round receivers from the last decade, but Matthew Stafford needs some time to figure the pro game out before he can make CJ’s stats more impressive)

Tight Ends: Sleepers - Greg Olsen, Bears (two words...Jay Cutler); Kellen Winslow Jr., Tampa Bay (yes, despite all the issues, I still believe)
Duds - Todd Heap, Ravens (if a rookie QB won’t throw you the ball as an ‘elite’ tight end, your productive days are officially over); Jason Witten, Cowboys (will still be solid but fewer options at WR for Dallas means defenses will key on him more often)

Kickers: Sleepers - Jason Elam, Falcons (yes, he’s old but young Matt Ryan & the Atlanta offense will only get better this year, especially with a happy...and rich...Roddy White and new TE acquisition Tony Gonzalez on board)
Duds - Matt Prater, Denver (Cutler for Orton swap means less opportunities)

Defense/STs: Sleepers - New York Jets (Rex Ryan will make the D solid & Leon Washington’s always a return threat); San Diego Chargers (weak division plus Merriman’s healthy & Darren Sproles is still around); Green Bay (Dom Capers will help A.J. Hawk & company achieve their potential)
Duds - Chicago Bears (NFC Central is getting better offensively & secondary is extremely weak); Tampa Bay Buccaneers (iffy offense will lose time of possession battle every week, and the defense will wear down quickly)

There you go, people…save me a brew at your celebratory late December victory bash!!!

Jake Peavy on the South Side

Over the past week, I have been wrestling with my feelings over the Jake Peavy deal that White Sox GM Kenny Williams made, 4 for 1. Four young, up and coming pitchers, two of whom are power lefties (Clayton Richard, Aaron Poreda, Adam Russell and Dexter Carter) given up for one injured, former Cy Young Award winner. Too much was given up in my humble opinion and I’ll tell you why...

Jake Peavy is not going to be available to the Sox until late August at the soonest, meaning Chicago is facing four weeks without a starting pitcher. That leaves a consistent 3 man rotation of Buehrle, Floyd and Danks. Fourth in the rotation is Contreras who right now couldn’t find the strike zone if it was bright pink in the middle of an open field. As far as a fifth starter, it will be by committee. Clayton Richard should not have been part of this deal. The White Sox need a solid 4th man during this wait for Peavy and that was Richard. Kenny once again acted like it was a seller’s market, when in reality it was a buyer's market (e.g.: Cliff Lee and Jared Washburn).

If Peavy can stay healthy over the next couple of years and pitch up to his history, it will be a great move overall. I am thrilled to have a pitcher of his caliber, but I say this with some trepidation, as we have been burned in the past by the likes of David Wells and Bartolo Colon (twice now).

I think I would prefer to have taken my chances with Clayton Richard, the young left hander who throws mid-90’s and is learning his control and secondary pitches.

Trade Deadline Ramifications 2009

Okay, the ’09 MLB trade deadline has come and gone...who won and who lost?

Nah, that’s too simple - with the economics of baseball being in worse shape than the American stock market, we should filter what we’ve seen over the last few weeks into categories. Welcome to “The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly”, ‘Sports Frenzy’ style!!!

Moving Players Like Freakin’ Chess Pieces: Must be nice to be a Red Sox fan. Um, we need a first baseman...let’s trade for Adam LaRoche! A few days pass. Ummm, can’t we do better than LaRoche? Let’s trade LaRoche for Casey Kotchman PLUS get Victor Martinez to boot!!! There’s the ticket...

Fire Sale!!!: See ‘Pirates, Pittsburgh’ & ‘Indians, Cleveland’. Also see ‘Disgraceful’ and ‘Pathetic’...

Waiting In The Weeds Like A Viper: The Cardinals didn’t do much last year to improve themselves, and St. Louis fans wondered aloud if they were being hosed like the Pirates faithful...their team opens a new ballpark and then abruptly stops trying to excel on the field as the cash registers overflow. Not so in 2009. Mark DeRosa, Julio Lugo, and Matt Holliday have joined Ryan Ludwick as Albert Pujols’ posse, and the Phillies have started sweating a bit...

How Do You Spell Relief???: The Cubs and Dodgers decided to bolster their bullpens and stick with the lumber they already had. John Grabow comes to The Windy City from Pittsburgh, and George Sherrill goes from the East Coast (Baltimore) to the West Coast (L.A.). Now if Lou Piniella can just get Kevin Gregg straightened out again...

Aces High: The Phillies already had Hamels, the White Sox already had Buehrle. Both pitchers helped lead their teams to World Series championships within the last five years. Now, Cole has Cliff Lee to watch his back & ‘Mr. Perfect Game’ will have Jake Peavy (by late August) to ride shotgun for him...

What does it all mean? In the end, we’re still looking at the haves vs. the have-nots. We’ll probably see the Phillies, Cardinals, Dodgers, and Cubs (wild card) in the NL & the Red Sox, White Sox, Angels, and Yankees (wild card) in the AL. Sure, the postseason will be entertaining, but people will still drift en masse to pro football come September. Why? Because hope springs eternal everywhere in Roger Goodell’s world...the NFL makes it much more realistic for a team to stage a turnaround or comeback than the flawed financial structure of Major League Baseball does...

Just ask fans of the Pirates, Indians, Nationals, A’s, Royals, Orioles, and Blue Jays...

Perfect!!!

Perfect history on a perfect afternoon. One of the rarest feats in all of sports was accomplished yesterday afternoon on the South Side of Chicago when White Sox pitcher Mark Buehrle retired the Tampa Bay Rays in order, 27 up and 27 down. Only the 18th perfect game pitched in Major League Baseball history (the first since 2004), Buehrle backed up his no hitter last year against the Texas Rangers. In that game, Buehrle walked only 1 batter, Sammy Sosa, and promptly picked him off first base.

What Mark did yesterday was a thing of beauty. It was not only his pitching ability, but the overall defensive performance by the team. What also makes this a special game was that not all of the White Sox regulars were playing on what was called a getaway day as the club prepared to leave for Detroit after the game. Josh Fields (hit a grand slam) played first in place of Paul Konerko and Ramon Castro catching in place of A.J. Pierzynski.

Dewayne Wise made THE CATCH of the season and probably his career by leaping the fence and taking a home run away from Gabe Kapler leading off the 9th inning. This was the first inning that Wise played, coming in as a defensive replacement. As a huge Sox fan, I have been very critical of the organization's decision to keep Wise around this season. I was more impressed with Brian Anderson’s defense, and Anderson was hitting a moderately better .238 to Wise’s .196 before Anderson was sent to the minors. After yesterday, I will cut Dewayne some slack for a few days. The determination he showed in going after that ball and the concentration he displayed in holding on to it have earned him that...

Congratulations to Mark Buehrle and thank you Dewayne Wise! You have made all of us White Sox fans proud!!!

Plundering The Pirates – Why Pittsburgh Should Lose Their Baseball Team

Settle down, Western Pennsylvanians…this is not an indictment of Pittsburgh fans. You do a fantastic job of supporting the Steelers & Penguins, and those two wonderful franchises, in turn, give you superstars to root for and championships to cherish...

What then do we make of the miserable Pirates? The 2009 season has already turned into one of the ugliest on record for a modern-era major league baseball team…no, not necessarily in wins versus losses but in the disgusting cowardice the front office has shown in shipping talented players out of town well before the trading deadline in a pathetic display of blatant disregard for season-ticket holders in particular & Pitt fans in general...

Nate McLouth, Nyjer Morgan, Eric Hinske, and Adam LaRoche have already been traded away this year (for mediocre prospects), and now Jack Wilson and Freddy Sanchez are most likely headed out of town in the next week because they wouldn’t accept insulting contract extensions (“Hey, guys…please take less money next year and we’ll tack on another year or two in the 5th Ring of Hell for ya!!!”). I hate the Yankees and their free-spending ways as much as the next guy, but I also find it ridiculous that they have to subsidize a team like the Pirates that continues to thumb its nose at Bud Selig...

The solution…ship ‘em out. The NBA is not exactly financially sound right now, but at least David Stern acknowledges (quickly) when a franchise is failing & (quickly) facilitates a move (see Seattle to Oklahoma City, Charlotte to New Orleans, Vancouver to Memphis). We don’t need another Montreal Expos debacle, Mr. Selig (look how long that mess dragged out before the team moved to D.C.); invoke the ‘best interest of baseball’ clause and get the Pirates relocated to Portland or Vegas NOW!!!

As a Cubs fan, I understand your frustration, Pirates supporter...I really do. However, the Cubs actually TRY to field a winning team (it rarely works out well, but the effort is there). In fact, we were the beneficiaries of one of your infamous Pittsburgh fire sales a few years back (in a pair of 2003 deals, we essentially got Kenny Lofton, Randall Simon, and Aramis Ramirez for a pack of Big League Chew and Bobby Hill). That being said, the sports community is better as a whole when each & every franchise puts forth a decent effort to field a competitive team. Eventually, the Nationals will get their act together and the Royals will land a manager who can figure out what to do with the young players the front office tries to keep & nurture. What’s the Pirates’ excuse???

Las Vegas Scorpions. Portland Lumberjacks. Which one do you prefer, Pittsburgh? The minute Bud Selig grows a pair, your team is heading west. In the meantime, take solace in the immortal words of Meatloaf - two out of three ain’t bad...